As I've mentioned before, I belong to a support group for people with chronic pain. Today, we were talking about whether or not we feel good about our looks anymore. The results were mixed, but the general consensus seems to be that it's not easy to feel good about your looks when you deal with pain everyday of your life. We are in pain most of the time, we are tired most of the time, and we just plain ole don't feel good. It take so much energy some days to just get out of the bed, much less put on makeup!
I have to admit that sometimes I go weeks without putting on a bit of makeup, and that is not like the old me! I have always been in love with makeup. I remember the very first makeup my mother ever let me wear to school. It was this bubble gum pink lip stick, and I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever owned. I have always loved buying makeup and playing with different colors and looks. I still catch myself wandering down the cosmetic aisle in stores, just looking at all the different things, and wishing I could get one of each. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I have a tackle box that I keep all of my makeup in!
But, like I said, I sometimes now go weeks without putting any makeup on. I will go to the bathroom without turning on the light just to avoid catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. So often anymore, it just seems like too much effort to do anything for myself. And trust me, wearing makeup and doing my hair has always been something I do for me! My husband swears I look just as pretty without makeup, but then, he has brain damage! And before you think that was mean, it's true, and we joke around about it all the time! There are actually days that I never even put real clothes on. I live in pajama's a lot of the time because they are soft and don't hurt as much when my fibro is really bad. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is!
Recently, I realized that I was really feeling down. Things were fine at home, my fibro flares had calmed down, and the boys were actually getting along with each other. I couldn't figure out what I had to feel so down in the dumps about. And it didn't feel like depression. I have clinical depression, so I am very familiar with what that feels like. No, I just didn't feel like myself. And then, it hit me. It had probably been a month or more since I had done anything for me. I looked at my hair and realized that it had gotten really shaggy, and I had not seen Lady Clairol in a very long time. I was really starting to look like my mother! She is a beautiful lady, but she's 71, and I'm not!
Right then, I picked up the phone and called my hair salon, and they could see me right then. I got my hair cut and styled, and then I went straight to Walgreen's and bought my hair color. I used it as soon as I got home and restyled my hair. Once the hair was taken care of, I pulled out my makeup tackle box, blew off the dust, and set about putting on my face. When I was finished, I looked in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time, I felt good about myself! Now, I put on makeup a few times a week, just for me.
When you deal with a chronic illness, it gets very easy to let things like this fall by the wayside. Just getting through the next week, day, hour, minute seems like all we can do. We have the stress of our illness, the pressure of caring for our family the best we can, and the demands of children. The easiest thing to let go of is the little things we do for ourselves. And that is the worst thing we can do! Believe me, our family knows when we are feeling down, and they don't always know what to do. So, take some time out and just do something for you. It doesn't have to be putting on makeup; some of us just aren't "girly girls". But think of something that you used to do just for fun, and do it again! You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your mental health!
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