I've always liked the song "Everybody Hurts". It reminds me that we are all more alike than we may think we are at first glance. We have all experienced some kind of pain during our lives. Pain isn't always physical; sometimes emotional pain can be far worse. At some point in all of our lives, we have experienced the pain of that first breakup. We swore that we would never love anyone again, and yet, somehow we were able to get past that heartache and move on to a better, lasting love. We have experienced the pain of losing someone we loved to death. We didn't think we would ever get over the loss, but we have been able to keep going, and one day, you realize that you are laughing again. And, we have all experienced physical pain, some more than others, but pain is pain.
It's easy to lose sight of the pain other people experience when we are going through our own pain. Not too long ago, my oldest son broke up with his girlfriend. He was so head over heels in love with this girl that the pain he felt was almost physical. He spent days crying over the loss, and even swore several times that he was going to kill himself. For the first few days, I was able to hold him while he cried and commiserate with him. But, after a few days, I was over it, even though he clearly wasn't. I actually told him to get over it at one point! How cruel of me! I can remember when my first love broke my heart, and I swore I would die from the pain. I must have cried for weeks, before I finally got tired of crying. I didn't show my son the compassion that I should have. I knew the pain he was feeling, because I have felt that pain myself.
Before I developed my back problems, I worked for a company that provided managed care for medicaid recipients in the state of Kentucky. My job was to take calls from people on medicaid who were having problems with their coverage or with doctors or pharmacies, and try to solve those problems. I dealt with a lot of people who suffered from chronic pain. And while I was always kind and helpful over the phone, I wasn't always so kind once the call ended. Like many people who have never experienced chronic pain, I got stuck in thinking that these people must be drug addicts. I often thought that only a drug addict could possibly be that upset over having to wait a couple of days until they could refill pain medication! I also thought that most of them should just get over it. I couldn't conceive of pain that never ends because I had never experienced it myself. Well, I get it now. I wish that I could call many of those people back and apologize for the negative thoughts that I had at the time. Like the song says, everybody hurts.
Lastly, I want to tell you about my oldest, dearest friend. Last year, Susan had a year that I don't think I would have survived. Susan and I have been best friends since college. She understands chronic pain as she has RA, and has since we were in college together. She is the first person I ever knew with a chronic illness, and she always handled it with grace and courage. Susan is someone I have always looked up to, and loved with all my heart.
Susan comes from a large family. She is the next to youngest out of seven children. They are a wonderful, close knit family and I loved them like I loved my own. Last March, Susan's parents were driving home when her father apparently had a stroke. He lost control of the car, slamming into a tree, killing both of them instantly. And even with the amount of pain she was in, Susan was comfort to her brother and sister's and to those who dearly loved her family.
As if that wasn't enough to deal with, Susan lost her 15 year old daughter in August of that same year. Lindsey was her only child, and the two of them were closer than most mother's and daughter's. Lindsey had health problems, but nothing that would have made losing her seem like a possibility. Susan called me to tell me what had happened, and I sobbed the whole time she was telling me. We cried together, and then the strangest thing happened. I soon realized that Susan was comforting me, not the other way around!
I can't even imagine the amount of pain that she has gone through in the last year. The thought of losing my mother and any of my precious children fills me with fear. But I absolutely cannot imagine losing both in a span of five months! The pain would be crushing. But Susan has been able to find joy out of tragedy. Her faith is of the moving mountains sort, and she is truly comforted by the thought that her parents were there to meet her daughter and to take care of her. Susan still hurts horribly, don't get me wrong, but she is able to find a peace that I don't know if I would have within me.
Yes, everybody hurts. We need to remember that no matter how bad our pain may be, someone else's may be worse. We need to try and be open to what other people are going through so that we can reach out and comfort them because we do understand what they are going through. We need to remember that we can't look at someone else and think that they can't possibly be "carrying on" so much, because their pain cannot compare to ours. I have been guilty of this on several occasions. We need to be empathetic to those around us because we do know what it's like. We have to remember that everybody hurts, and treat one another with love.
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