Dear Family and Friends,
It really does mean so much to me to know how much you care for me, but sometimes, you go about things in the wrong way. I know that you love me, and that you only want to help. I know that you don't mean to upset me, but to be honest, sometimes it really hurts for you to constantly tell me how to take care of myself.
Believe me, I have pretty much tried everything to make myself get well. I have gone to physical therapy. I have had surgery. I have tried many different medications to control the pain. I have tried changing my diet. If these things had worked, I would be better, but the fact is that these things didn't work. I am seeing my doctor regularly and he and I work together to try and come up with a solution, but so far, we haven't found one.
Hearing that walking a mile everyday saved your sister or aunt or best friend, is wonderful.....for your sister, or your aunt, or your best friend. But the truth of the matter is that I'm not them! What works for one person doesn't always work for another. Don't you think that I wish I could go out and walk that mile every day? Do you think I enjoy having to sit with my legs propped up or stay in bed most of the day? Believe me, I am not enjoying the way I feel.
Perhaps, you think that I am just carrying on for the attention. Well, I'm not. My pain is real, and there are days when it is completely debilitating. I would much rather receive attention for something positive. I do not want you pity; I just want you to care about me and pray for me. I would love it if you just came over to visit to take my mind off of what's going on with me physically. I don't need you to fix me - if the doctor's can't fix me, then neither can you! Just be my friends, hold my hand, and let me know you are here for me.
Perhaps, you get tired of making plans with me and having me cancel at the last minute. Well, you aren't nearly as tired of it as I am! I would give anything to do the things that I used to do. I miss going out to lunch, or to the mall, or to church. I miss seeing my friends and family socially. You can't imagine how depressed and guilty I feel about this. And you can't imagine how much it hurts me when the phone simply stops ringing because you have grown tired of trying to get me out of the house. If you truly want to see me, grab some fast food and stop by my house. It would raise my spirits more than you can imagine.
I know that you don't understand what's going on with me! How could you? I don't completely understand it myself. Before I had this condition, I had no concept of being in pain 24 hours a day. You can't understand it until you live it. I hope and pray that you never do understand what I feel like, because I wouldn't wish this condition on my worst enemy. I don't want anything from you except your love, understanding and compassion.
I am not the person that you used to know. Being sick all the time changes you in many ways. But if I had cancer, would you walk away from me? And even though I am changed, the part of me that you first cared about is still here! I am still your daughter, sister son, brother, mother, father, friend. And I still need you in my life.
Love,
Each and every person living with chronic pain
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