Saturday, June 23, 2012

Humility and Gratitude

As many of you know, I've been away for the past week because I had knee surgery.  I had torn the meniscus in my left knee and it had to be repaired.  This was supposed to be a simple, arthroscopic procedure, but it turned out to be a bit more than that.  Most of the time, the incision from an arthroscopic procedure is a small puncture type wound.  But when my doctor got in there, he discovered that, in addition to the torn meniscus, I had large bone fragments floating in my knee which had to come out.  Because of that, he ended up having to make two half inch long incisions.  I'm glad I didn't know about this until yesterday, because it could have emotionally slowed down my recovery.

I am doing very well!  I am already starting to walk on my leg using my cane instead of my crutches.  And because I've had many other knee surgeries, I've also started doing some of the exercises that I remember from those operations.  I saw my doctor for my first follow up appointment yesterday.  He removed the staples from my incisions and told me that I was doing better than expected.  In fact, if I continue to do this well on my own, he isn't going to send me to physical therapy!  Of course, I'm not rushing things, but I am happy that I'm making as much progress as I am.

Going through this has taught me a couple of valuable lessons.  The most important are gratitude and humility.    I have always loved my family, and I have done everything that I can to take care of them.  This surgery has taught me that they love me just as much and are willing to do just as much for me.  The first few days after my surgery were really pretty rough.  I couldn't get up and down by myself.  I couldn't get a drink by myself. And, at the risk of being a bit graphic, there were a couple of times that I couldn't get off the toilet by myself. My husband and sons have been wonderful!  They have been there to help me every time I've needed something.

The surgery was out patient, and I got in bed once we got home.  Dale, my husband, and Matthew made me feel like I was in a 5 star hotel.  If I called out, one of them was there immediately.  The kept me in ice packs and pain medicine.  They helped me to the bathroom every time I needed to go.  Matthew even covered his eyes a couple of times and pulled me up off the toilet!  I couldn't be more grateful for the two of them!

After a day in my room, I had had enough of those four walls.  Dale and Matt helped me into the living room, and used a blue plastic tote to make an ottoman for my leg.  After sitting there for about 15 minutes, I was tired, and they got me back to bed without complaining.  I wanted to sit in my recliner so bad, but I knew that I couldn't get out of it, so I just looked at it longingly.  By the next day, sitting or lying in my bed was very uncomfortable, and all I could do was cry.  Dale ordered me to my recliner and said that we would figure out how to get me out of it when the time came.  I discovered within a couple of minutes that my recliner is a little piece of heaven!

As of today, I am living in my recliner!  I'm even sleeping there, because I can't find a comfortable position for my leg when I'm lying down.  And Dale and I worked out a system for getting me out of the chair when the need arises.  Once again, I am grateful for my dear husband.  But you may be wondering where the humility fits into all of this.  Well, believe me, I've had to swallow a very large piece of humble pie.  Despite my disabilities, I have always prided myself on being pretty independent.  Now, I can't even get a drink of water if I want one.

I have to have someone help me up every time I need to use the bathroom.  I have to depend on someone to bring me something to eat if I'm hungry and something to drink if I'm thirsty.  I hate having to ask someone for help!  It has never been easy for me, and I am so used to taking care of things by myself.   I feel horrible about asking Dale to get up in the middle of the night to help me get out of the recliner so that I can use the bathroom.

But one of the blessings from having to do this, is that I am learning that my family loves me just as much as I love them.  I am learning that they are willing to do just about anything for me.  I am learning that I don't have to always be the strong one around here.  The rest of my family is willing and able to carry some of the burden that I have insisted on carrying.  I have learned to approach my life with a sense of gratitude, and I am learning that sometimes we have to humble ourselves in order to learn that we are loved and cared for.

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