Friday, June 8, 2012

Acceptance

How many of those of us with chronic pain have truly accepted our condition?  How many of us have accepted the fact that this condition is probably going to be with us for the rest of our lives?  How many of us have come to terms with the fact that many of our friends and family will never understand what we deal with day in and day out?  If you are like me, then you can probably agree that you haven't reached a place of acceptance.

Intellectually, I know that I am probably going to deal with chronic pain for the rest of my life.  My back isn't going to get better.  My fibro isn't going to magically disappear.  My knees will never go back to normal.  And yet, I keep thinking that something is going to come along and make me better.  I keep going from doctor to doctor in the hopes that the next one is going to have that magic bullet that is going to take the pain away.  I truly haven't accepted the fact that this is my lot in life.  I keep hoping that I am going to wake up one of these days and feel like I did before the pain arrived.

If you are like me, you probably think that by accepting what is going on with our bodies, it means that you are giving up hope.  Sometimes, I feel that if I accept this condition, I will go downhill so fast that I will be bed ridden for the rest of my life, and I'm only 49!  I'm not ready to even contemplate that possibility.  I don't want to be an invalid, and I'm sure you don't want to be one either.  This is something that I worry about quite a lot, and it scares me almost more than the pain itself.

Recently, however, I've been giving a lot of thought to acceptance of my condition.  Does accepting that this is the way it's going to be really mean that I'm giving up?  The answer that I am coming to, for me at least, is no. No, it doesn't mean that I am giving up.  No, it doesn't mean that I am going to quit looking for a less painful life.  No, it doesn't mean that I am going to quit praying for a cure for fibromyalgia.  Accepting my condition simply means that I quit fighting.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a fight with your spouse or kids, that the stress from that fight makes everything seem worse?  It increases your pain levels and destroys your mood.  It creates tension in your mind and body.  And once you get past the argument and make up, you immediately start to feel better.  What if, by accepting what is going on with our bodies, we lessen some of the pain caused by our illnesses?  Personally, this theory makes a lot of sense to me.  Of course, it is much easier said than done.

I am trying to come to a place of acceptance with many things in my life, and it seems to be helping.  I once had a therapist tell me that acceptance doesn't mean approval.  It doesn't mean that you are rolling over and allowing things to steamroll you.  It simply means that you have come to a place of peace in your life.  I have been able to accept the fact that some people are never going to understand chronic pain or fibromyalgia.  I can spend all my time worrying about this, and fighting to try and make them understand what I'm going through, or I can simply accept the fact that there is nothing I can do to change their thinking.  I am learning that by accepting this, I am actually lessening my stress levels.  The problem becomes theirs once again, instead of mine.

Accepting that the pain is here to stay is much harder for me, however.  But I'm trying to accept that this is what is happening to me in the present.  It doesn't mean that this will also be my future, but for now, this is what I have to live with.  I believe that if I can come to a place of acceptance now, it will lower the stress and tension I feel.  If I can let go of that stress and tension in my mind, I believe that it will begin to leave my body as well.  And we all know that when you relax a tensed muscle, you experience relief.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could lose some of the tension we carry around?

Learning to accept this condition isn't easy, and at times, it seems counter-intuitive.  However, for me, it just makes a lot of sense.  I'm trying to stop fighting it, and learn to live with it.  I am learning to listen to my body and only do those things which are possible for me.  I am trying to lessen the amount of tension that I feel day in and day out.  And I hope that you are able to let go of some of the stress that you carry around, and that you are able to find some peace in acceptance.

2 comments:

  1. i believe you are exactly right. as someone who has lived with chronic tension and pain it seems as if you can get into that place of acceptance that it provides you with the patience and the courage to allow yourself to release the tension and pain. its staying in that mindset that seems to be the tricky thing

    ReplyDelete
  2. Self Help for your Nerves
    Dr. Claire Weekes
    great book on this subject

    ReplyDelete