Monday, March 12, 2012

The Bad Days

Today is one of the bad days for me.  These are the days that I really dread, the days when my pain rears its ugly head and nothing seems to help ease it.  And as intense as the physical pain is, the emotional pain from one of these days is almost worse.  Why?  Because it is days like this when I am really reminded of everything chronic pain has stolen from me.

As I have mentioned before, weather changes can wreak havoc on our bodies.  We can feel weather changes sometimes days in advance, and with the pain, often comes a wave of depression because we know how bad it can get.  Our temperatures are mild, but it is raining and boy, can I feel it.  Right now, I think that I am going into a flare up of my fibromyalgia.  Every muscle in my body hurts, especially the ones in my upper arms, and around my ribs in the back.  My armpits and my breasts hurt, and there is nothing that I can do, but ride it out.  My medication helps, but it doesn't get rid of the pain, it just takes it down a couple of notches.

I never know how long a fibro flare up is going to last.  It could be a couple of days or a couple of months.  With my fibro, I get huge knots in my muscles and I cannot bear to have anyone touch me.  Right now, I have a knot about five inches in diameter in my lower back.  I take a muscle relaxer, but it does nothing for it.  It really is depressing.  When I get like this, even my clothes hurt my body, and I can't stand even the lightest touch.  I really want a hug, but I don't let anyone give me one because it would cause such agony.

There are other symptoms that come with a flare up.  One is "fibro fog".  What the heck is "fibro fog", you may be asking yourself, and I'll tell you.  Fibro fog happens in your brain.  It causes you to have trouble concentrating; it effects your ability to remember things; it can cause you to forget where you were in a sentence and why you were even speaking; it can make you forget words and even cause you to stutter.  If someone interrupts me while I am talking, forget it!  I can't remember what I was saying, and I get really frustrated.  I also will sometimes get stuck on a word and say it four or five times in a row before I am able to keep going.  My kids and I joke around about it, but it is just so frustrating!

Being able to talk about what's going on is very helpful to me.  I know that my family gets tired of hearing about it, and so I try not to bring it up too often.  But I belong to a wonderful online support group, and I know that I can always go to them and talk about the things that are bothering me, and someone is willing to listen.  I know that I will never be judged because someone has experienced the exact same thing as me, and they get it.  I don't know what I would do without these wonderful people.

I usually try to write something in this blog that everyone can relate to.  Today, the pain wouldn't let me get past it.  If you are suffering through chronic pain, my heart goes out to you because I truly understand.  And if you know someone suffering with chronic pain, do not judge them.  Believe me, they hate what this thing has done to them far more than you ever could.  Really make an effort to listen to what they have to say.  It's a gift that some don't get very often.  Don't tell them that you had an aunt who had this or that, and such and such helped them.  We have tried it all, and we know what works and what doesn't.  Simply listen.  Quite often, that's all we need.

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