Family Members

I belong to a pain support group on Facebook, and quite honestly, these people have become so important to me.  They build me up when I'm down, and celebrate with me when I have successes.  I am able to go there and talk about my deepest, darkest fears and I know there is always going to be someone there who has dealt with what I'm going through, or who can at the very least, lend a sympathetic ear.  I have truly grown to love the friends that I have made in this group, and feel blessed to have them in my life.

One thing that I frequently hear, however, is that some members get no support from their family members.  I'm not talking about distant family, like aunts and uncles or cousins, but immediate family members who see the struggle that they go through day in and day out.  I am very fortunate that I don't have to deal with anything like this.  My husband and children are very understanding and do what they can to help me when I truly need it.

I just can't imagine watching someone struggling with debilitating pain, and then turning around and making jokes about it.  I can't imagine watching someone trying to function the best they can and then telling them to hurry up, or do it better, or do more than they possibly can.  The lack of compassion that some sufferers of chronic pain have to deal with is heartbreaking.

I understand that some people deal with fear and helplessness by cracking jokes.  And, I firmly believe that humor helps to deal with a difficult situation.  But there is always a time and place for it.  I can make some pretty self deprecating jokes about my condition, and my husband and I both gently tease each other about our conditions, but it is always done in a spirit of love and without the intention to cause the other one more pain.

I don't understand intentionally hurting someone we love when we see that they are hurting already.  The emotional pain from this is almost worse than the physical pain.  People with chronic pain deal with depression on a daily basis.  Being told that we are worthless, or lazy, or faking it only results in making both the emotional and physical pain more severe.  It also increases the amount of depression we already feel.  There is no excuse for this kind of treatment.

I also know that many people with chronic pain have watched their spouses walk away from them and the marriage because they can't deal with their partner being in constant pain.  Of course, living with chronic pain changes you.  You can't do the things you used to be able to do.  You feel helpless and even hopeless at times.  But, when my husband and I got married, we made a promise to stick together through sickness and health.  And we do!  My husband's condition came first.  And even though there were times when I thought that it was too much to bear, I never once thought about walking out on him.

Very often, for me at least, it's enough to hear that someone cares.  I don't know that I could get through this without the love and support of my family.  It breaks my heart to know that so many others don't get this support.  If you know someone with chronic pain, please don't belittle them.  Don't walk away because they aren't the person they used to be.  Try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what it must be like for them.  Believe me, we beat ourselves up enough on our own.  We don't need someone else to do it too.