I am disabled, but that isn't who I am. I have fibromyalgia and suffer from chronic pain due to spine defects. I also have osteoarthritis in most of my joints, with my knees, back and hip being the worst. I have days when walking to the bathroom is the most that I can do in a day. I have days when I sit in my recliner, crying because the pain is so intense that my medication seems like a placebo. And, I have days when I feel like bargaining with God to just take it all away.
Not a very pretty picture, is it? And while I live with all these issues, I refuse to allow these things to define who and what I am. I'll be honest with you. I've always believed that everything we go through has a purpose. But I am hard pressed to figure out what the purpose of this suffering is. That being said, I love my life and I wouldn't trade it. I am disabled, but I don't let it define me.
I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother. I am a friend, and I try to be a comfort to those who need comfort. I love my family with all my heart, and they love me in return. I love a good laugh, and I even love a good cry sometimes. I am still learning, despite the pain that I deal with. I refuse to allow this thing called a disability to become the only thing I live with.
Have I had to change my life because I have a disability? The short answer to that question is yes, absolutely. But the real answer is longer and more complex. The changes I have made have been more superficial than it may appear at first glance. One of the first changes that I made was swallowing a little pride. I used to go the grocery store, or Walmart, and walk the store. I would be in excruciating pain when I was finished, and the rest of my day would be shot. So, now, I get one of the riding scooters that the stores provide. I have learned to ignore the stares of other shoppers. Because I have adapted to a new way of doing things, I am still able to go to the store instead of always having to depend on someone else to do it for me.
Because of my disability, it is difficult for me to make plans to do things with my friends. And even though the person I am inside hasn't changed, my physical ability and stamina are no longer the same. Some friends can't handle this change and drifted away. Others left because they couldn't depend on me. But I still have a wide circle of friends that I spend time with everyday. Now, my socializing is done primarily online. But through this, I have made life long friends. We may have initially come together through our disabilities, but we stay friends because of who we are.
I am still the same mother I was when my boys were babies. I still love them with the same intensity that I did the first time they were put in my arms. I am still able to wipe away their tears, share a joke, and cheer them on as they grow into young men. They don't see me as a disabled person, they simply see me as mom, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Despite whatever disabilities we may have, we are still the same person we always were. Who we are is much more internal than external, and it is important that we embrace that part of our selves. In the long run, does it really matter if you can walk from the back of the parking lot to the front? Not really. Does it really matter if you can sit in an office for eight hours a day? Not really. The things we can or can't physically do don't define who we are. That definition of self comes from the inside. Love yourself and your family. Show compassion to others. Learn to forgive. It won't make it easier to walk across the room, or do a load of laundry, but it will make you a happier person in the long run.
This really inspired me. Thanks :)
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