A Reality Check

Over the course of the last few weeks, I have undergone a reality check. And, luckily for me, I actually learned a few things.  I'm sure that those of you who read my blog regularly have noticed that it has been a couple of weeks since I posted anything.  Quite honestly, I would love to tell you that a band of pirates broke into the house and stole my computer.  And, for the last two weeks, I have been hunting them down, in an effort to retrieve said computer.  I know that this sounds really ridiculous, but it is far more interesting than the truth.

Some of you know the reason, and I won't go into all the details, but the fact of the matter is that we had far more month than money.  In order to have enough food to make it until the end of the month, I had to pawn my computer, along with a few other items.  For many of us who suffer from chronic conditions, money is almost always a problem.  Living on disability isn't the cushy life that some people try to make it out to be, and for those not fortunate enough to receive disability, money can be even tighter.  We struggle financially almost every single month.  Some months are better than others, but we frequently run out of money before the end of the month, no matter how tightly we budget.  And, for me, this can be very depressing.  I feel the most guilty about not being able to spend the kind of money on my children that I want.

Now, I did say that I had learned some things.  The most important thing I have learned is that I have finally made some real friends.  These friends did not judge me, and the moral support they provided was invaluable.  I've talked about this before, but I was raised to believe that you do not air your dirty laundry in public.  The face that you present to the rest of the world should always be positive, no matter how bad things really are.  This isn't an easy thing to let go of, and it was so hard for me to tell my friends what was going on.  I don't trust easily, and I am always expecting to be treated poorly, but that didn't happen.  I was shown nothing but love and support during this difficult time.  I am starting to learn how to trust again, and this is such a gift.

Now, this is completely off the subject, but, if anyone knows of any charity that helps with dental expenses, I would love to hear from you.  I have been up all night with a horrible toothache.  I have a huge cavity, and I think that it has abscessed.  Unfortunately, I can't afford dental insurance, and I can't afford to pay a dentist to fix it right now.  The pain is excruciating, and nothing is relieving it.  I have used enough Orajel to numb an army, and it doesn't even touch this pain.  So, if you know of any options, I would love to hear from you.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful day today, and for those of you with a chronic condition, I hope that you pain levels are tolerable, and that you are able to do something for yourself today.