Matt

Everyone deals with pain at some point in their life.  Sometimes, the pain is physical and sometimes it is emotional.  Quite often, this pain can be so severe, that we don't think we will ever get past it.  Perhaps the worst pain that we suffer as parents is seeing the pain that our children sometimes have to deal with, no matter what form that pain takes.  This is my son Matt's story of pain, survival, and coming out the other side.  I asked Matt's permission to tell his story, and he gave it to me.  He asked me why I wanted to write about it, and I told him that I wanted to celebrate his success, and perhaps show others that there is hope to come through our pain.

Leaving middle school for high school can be traumatic for many children.  First of all, by the time you reach eighth grade, you are the big fish in the proverbial small pond.  You have staked out your claim, and you know who you are, at least in that small pond.  Once you reach high school, you are once again a tiny little fish, and you no longer know where you fit it.  Many kids are able to regain their footing pretty quickly.  For others, this transition can be one of the most difficult things they will face in their young lives.  Matt was one of these.

Out of my three sons, Matt is my quiet boy.  He has always been shy, and making friends has never been easy for him.  Conversation doesn't come naturally to him, and, like me, he has a hermit streak in him.  We have frequently joked that Matt would be perfectly happy if about 90% of the world's population vanished, and the other 10% left him alone.  Matt has also been the middle child, sandwiched in between an older brother who is the life of the party, and a younger brother who makes friends easily.

On the third day of his freshman year in high school, Matt tripped walking down the bleachers.  With kids being kids, everyone in the gym who saw his fall, laughed at Matt.  My son would prefer that no one notice him, and being laughed at by a gym full of kids was really hard on him, but he kept going.  As the day went on, his foot and ankle really began to hurt.  The school nurse told him he was fine, gave him some motrin, and sent him back to class.  Matt didn't say another word about his foot the rest of the day.

After school, it seemed to take Matt forever to get to the car.  I was in a hurry, and fussed at him for dawdling.  I looked over at him, and saw tears rolling down Matt's face, and I knew something was wrong.  He told me about falling down the bleachers, and that his leg really hurt.  Once we got in the house, Matt pulled his shoe off and his pants leg up.  His foot and ankle were twice their normal size and black.  No wonder he was walking so slowly!  We immediately went to the ER, where his foot and ankle were xrayed. The ankle was severely sprained, and he had a evulsion fracture to his foot.  An evulsion fracture occurs when the tendon violently pulls, yanking out a chunk of bone.  According to the ER doctor, this type of fracture is excruciatingly painful.

I kept Matt home from school the next day and had him keep his foot propped up.  We also saw an orthopedic surgeon that afternoon, who put Matt is a boot to stabilize his foot and ankle and told him he would be on crutches for about 6 weeks.  The next day, Matt returned to school.  Now, Matt has always been an incredibly shy kid and he won't speak up on his behalf.  I called the school the next morning to ask the counselor to send a note to Matt's teacher's requesting that he be allowed to prop his foot up during class and be allowed to leave class early so that he wouldn't be accidentally knocked over changing classes. I was told that all of this would be done.

By the time Matt got home from school that day, his foot was even more swollen.  I asked him if he had kept his foot propped up, and he told me no.  I asked him if he had been allowed to leave classes early, and again, he told me no.  I told him that I would call the school again the next morning, but I also told Matt that he needed to speak up and ask for the things he needed.  I called his guidance counselor again the next morning and went through the whole process again.  I told her about Matt being extremely shy and that he wouldn't speak up for himself.  I was told once again that things would be handled.

It was even worse when Matt got home from school that afternoon.  His foot and ankle were hugely swollen, and now his back hurt from carrying a backpack which weighed close to 50 pounds, while trying to get around on crutches.  I also learned that Matt wasn't eating because he wouldn't ask anyone to carry his tray.  And to make matters worse, Matt once again fell on the bleachers while trying to get down them on his crutches.  I called the counselor once again, and begged her to do something to help my son.  I told her that Matt's shyness was more like social anxiety disorder.  At this point, I got no help at all.  I was told that his teacher's had been told, and there was nothing more that she could do.

I kept Matt home the next day because I knew we had to get the swelling down in his foot and ankle.  I called the doctor's office to explain what was going on.  While speaking with the doctor's nurse, all I could do was cry from frustration.  She calmed me down and told me that she would call me back as soon as she could talk to the doctor.  In short order, she called me back, and told me that the doctor wanted Matt put on home bound status for 4-6 weeks.  He said that the constant swelling wasn't good for his injury, and that it wasn't going to heal properly with the way things were going.  They faxed the paper work to the school, and a tutor started coming to work with Matt three days a week.

Matt's foot was able to heal during this time period, he went to physical therapy three times a week, and the time came for him to return to school.  That morning, I got him up for school.  I could tell that he was anxious, but I kept telling him that everything would be fine once he got back into the swing of things.  But by the time the school bus arrived, Matt was in a full blown panic attack.  I knew exactly what was going on, because I've had them myself.  I ended up keeping him home again that day.

Things went down hill from this point on.  The terror that Matt felt about returning to school continued to grow.  I immediately got him into counseling, and he was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety disorder,  and borderline agoraphobia.  We would make plans to return to school, and when the time came, Matt would dissolve into a heap on the floor.  I even had to have him briefly hospitalized because he was suicidal. This was the darkest time in both of our lives.  I knew that Matt had to go back to school.  He is one of the most intelligent people I know, and I knew he would never be the same if he didn't get back into school soon.

In addition to Matt's private therapist, I started working with the head of psychological services for the school system.  I gave her permission to speak with Matt's therapist, and we began to formulate a plan to get Matt back into school. Dr. Eds set up a meeting at the high school to begin the process of getting everyone back up to speed.  Matt was treated like a special needs student because his psychological problems were so severe at that point.  This meeting involved Matt and me, Dr. Eds, Matt's guidance counselor, the principal, the school nurse, an in school therapist, and one or two of his teachers.

The drive to the school was rather uneventful.  But the moment Matt saw the school, the panic attack began.  He was hyperventilating and crying.  We sat in the car for a few minutes, and I tried everything I could to calm him.  I reminded Matt that they had arranged for him to enter the school where no one could see him, but none of this helped.  Finally, I walked around to his side of the car and started trying to force him out of the car.  I wasn't strong enough.  About this time, the other members of our team began to arrive.  The therapists were talking to him, but it wasn't helping.  Finally, it took five adults to get him out of the car.  We literally had to hold him up, and practically carry him into the meeting room.  By this time, I was in tears because I could feel the pain my baby was in, and I felt completely unable to help him.

During the meeting, Matt sat in his chair with his head between his knees.  He wouldn't speak, and he didn't make eye contact with anyone at the meeting.  His guidance counselor told me how very sorry she was because she didn't understand the extent of what Matt was going through.  The school nurse explained to Matt that he wasn't alone, because there were other kids in the school who were suffering with the very same thing he was.  But Matt never acknowledged any of this.  Slowly, we came up with a plan to get Matt back into school.

It was decided that Matt would start back at the middle school, because it was a place he had always felt comfortable and had shined.  He would spend his days working in the school library.  They had a computer program which helped kids catch up on school work.  Matt would spend two weeks at this school.  During these two weeks, he would have intensive therapy, which would include walking to the high school a couple of times a day, and eventually include going into the school to help and desensitize him to the school.  We all knew that none of this would be easy, but it seemed like the best plan.

It was agreed that I would take Matt to school for the first week, because we all agreed that the bus would be too much for him to take.  Dr. Eds agreed to meet me at the school for the first several days in case we had problems getting him into the school.  The first day was a repeat of the incident at the high school meeting.  It took four of us to get him into the school.  This went on for several days, but eventually Matt got to the point that he was able to walk into the school on his own.  Jack was still going to the middle school at the time, and he made a point to walk Matt to the library everyday.  I have never been so proud of Jack.  Soon, it was time to transition back to the high school.

Everyone involved knew that going straight back into a regular classroom schedule would be more than Matt could handle.  At this point, he had been out of school for 6 months.  Matt was able to go to one classroom, and continue using the computer program.  There was a supervising teacher in the classroom, but he was one his own as far as learning the material was concerned.  Matt completed six months of class work in only three months, and he did it all by himself.  By the end of the school year, Matt had caught up with his class.

Over the summer, Matt attended a program for gifted and talented students at a university in Kentucky.  This was a six week course, and I was terrified for him.  Dropping him off was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I cried the whole way home because I was scared to death he wouldn't be able to handle it.  Well, not only did he handle it, he thrived!  And when the time came for school to start again in the fall, Matt went back and began to thrive in high school.

Matt is junior in high school now.  He has a reputation as being the smartest kid in school, and the problems he experienced during his freshman year are a distant memory.  Matt has made lots of friends, and even scored highest on the ACT of anyone in his school.  We are looking at colleges now, and Matt is ready for the next chapter in his life.

I have never know anyone as strong as Matt.  He overcame something that would have driven many other people over the edge.  Matt dealt with emotional pain greater than most people will ever experience.  I have no doubts in my mind that he can tackle any challenge that comes his way, and neither does he.  Matt is excited about his future, and he knows that he has accomplished more in his young life than many people ever do.  The world is Matt's oyster, and he is ready to face whatever challenges come his way.