Yesterday really was a lousy day for me. The whole tire ordeal left me in a whole lot of pain yesterday, and nothing was helping. I took my medicine every time I was able to and it just barely put a dent in things. I almost never have headaches, although I did have migraines as a teenager. Last night, I had a headache to make the record books. It started in my neck and worked its way up the back of my head, all the way up to my forehead, and nothing budged it. Now, I'm a night owl and I rarely go to bed before 1 or 2 in the morning, but I was in bed before midnight last night. When I woke up around 6:30 this morning, the headache was gone, the body aches were better, and I was able to move more easily!
Today has actually been a really pleasant day. The boys are out of school today, so Jack and Chris were gone last night. Matt was home, be he's easy going and doesn't ask for a lot of attention. He stayed home until noon today, and then he left to go to a friend's house. This afternoon, I curled up in my recliner and took a nice nap and woke up feeling refreshed. Almost as soon as I woke up, I mixed up a pan of brownies, and they are in the oven baking right now. I love the smell of fresh baked brownies, and I love eating them even more! I'm even planning on actually cooking dinner tonight! We're having baked mostacelli, which isn't nearly as exciting as it sounds, but it tastes good. You take mostacelli pasta and cook it normally, then you mix it up with regular meat sauce, top it with mozzarella cheese and bake it in the oven. Yum!
Sometimes, it seems like things are never going to get better. It feels like the pain will never stop, and we begin to feel hopeless. The depression which can develop at these times can be absolutely crippling. I know, I've been there many times. People will tell you to look on the bright side, and your first instinct is to punch them right in the mouth. I've experienced this feeling more than once, too! But, even as bad as it may seem at the moment, things will always get better.
Now, before you decide that you want to punch me in the mouth, let me clarify this a little bit. We have chronic pain. It will probably never go away completely. But we will have days when the pain lets up - sometimes a little and sometimes, it can almost feel like we are back to normal. When we have these days, we need to cherish them! They are few and far between, so we need to make the most of them. A lot of us feel that when we have these days, we need to take care of some of the cleaning or other household chores that we've put off. I think that we should do something we want to do when we get these little gifts. Go get your hair done, or go see a movie, have lunch with an old friend or loved one. And if finances don't allow something like this, go sit in the sun for a little while with a good book, and be happy that you are getting a break from your normal life.
We can even find small joys when things are bad. A while back, I was having a really bad pain day. My fibro was flaring and every muscle in my body hurt. My back felt like someone was using my spine as an accordion, and it didn't matter how I positioned myself, or how much medication I took, nothing was helping the pain. I was actually lying in my bed crying, because I couldn't find any relief. At one point, the bedroom door opened, and Chris walked in. Now, you all know that Chris rarely gives me any support where my pain is concerned, and I immediately thought, "Oh my God! I just can't handle being told how awful I am right now!". So I braced myself. Well, much to my surprise, Chris sat down on the edge of the bed and told me how sorry he was that I was in so much pain, and that he wished there was something he could do to make me feel better.
I'm sure you can imagine my shock and surprise! Chris sat with me for a few minutes and talked with me, and before he left, he gave me a little hug and a kiss. What a blessing! And I was able to see if for the gift that it was. I knew that it might never happen again, and I keep that memory close to me, because it was truly a gift. Sometimes, we can overlook the small things that happen. We have to learn to be open to small blessings, because it's easy to miss them when things seem really dark. Whether we realize it or not, there are always better days around for us. They may be wonderful days when we are able to do some of the things we used to take for granted, or they may be small things, like a word of encouragement from a friend. But those bright moments are there if we know to look for them.
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