The Passage of Time

As we get older, I think it is normal that we begin to contemplate the passage of time.  I will turn 51 in a little over a month, and for the first time, I am actually beginning to feel my age emotionally.  Because of my health issues, I have felt my age physically for quite a while.  However, mentally and emotionally, I have never felt that old.  I still listen to rock music and I can openly talk to my sons about everything. In fact, one of my dearest friends in the entire world is in her twenties, and the age difference just doesn't exist between the two of us.

However, I am starting to feel my age, and I think the primary reason for this is the fact that my children are growing up.  My oldest son will soon be twenty one.  Chris has a job and his own apartment, and he tells me that he has met a girl who makes him think about settling down and actually growing up.  I think to myself that he is far too young to be thinking along these lines, however, I was engaged to my first husband when I was his age.  I would like to think that I could help him to learn from my experience, but sometimes, we have to let go and let out children make their own mistakes, as well as experience their own successes.

Also, in a little over a week, I will be taking my middle son to college for the first time.  I am so proud of him, and I am excited for him to begin this next chapter of his life.  Matt is incredibly smart and will be majoring in chemistry, with plans to attend medical school.  Because of his hard work in high school, he will be a sophomore before evening completing his first year of college.  And, as happy as I am for him, this is a very bittersweet time for me.  I'm mentally not ready to let him go.  This is my issue to deal with, and I will not let him know that this is how I feel. 

My baby is growing up, too, and there is nothing I can do to stop it, not that I would.  My little boy is 16 years old now, and has his driver's permit.  After teaching his two older brothers to drive, it isn't too stressful, but it is hard to believe that this little boy is already old enough to be driving.  Jack is a junior in high school, and I am already feeling the pull of his leaving home as well.  Granted, he has two years of high school left, but by the time they are a junior, they are leaning towards their own future.

Soon, it will just be my husband, two cats, one dog, and me.  The thought of Dale and I being alone frightens me quite a bit.  As most of you know, because of my husband's disability, he is very limited in the things he can do.  All of the chores that involve leaving the house fall to me.  If Dale has a doctor's appointment, lifting his wheelchair into and out of the car falls to me.  If one of the boys is home, they will handle this for me, but soon, there won't be a boy to call on for help.  I am certainly not getting younger and I my body continues to betray me.

I do believe in the power of prayer, and I have seen how well it works.  And because of this I pray everyday for my family, my friends, and myself.  I believe that the answers will come, and that we will be fine in the future.  Now I just have to learn to accept the fact that I am getting older and life is going to change.  And I know in my heart that the changes will be wonderful!