To those of you who have been faithful, long time readers of my little blog, I owe you an apology. It has been such a long time since I've written anything, and I don't really have a good excuse for letting something that has meant so much to me, and hopefully to you, fall by the wayside. I can try to explain by saying that things have been very busy, but that excuse doesn't really work. Things have been busy in my life before, and I still found time to write. I can say that I haven't felt well enough to write, but that doesn't work either, because even when I have felt worse than this, I have found time to write. I could also say that my insomnia has made writing difficult, but once again, it doesn't work, because my insomnia is no worse than it has been since I was 10 years old and first developed it.
I guess the best reason that I can offer for not writing is depression. Lately, I have felt a deep depression that hasn't let up. There is no real reason for it, but then those of you who suffer from clinical depression know that there is rarely a reason for falling into the black hole of depression. I just have felt that nothing I had to say would be worth reading, even though, logically, I knew that people enjoyed reading the things that I have written in the past. Unfortunately, logic and depression rarely walk hand in hand with one another.
I know that I need to talk to my doctor about prescribing me an antidepressant again. I have never been ashamed about the fact that I suffer from depression. It runs in my family like blue eyes or brown hair. But for some reason that I don't understand, I haven't wanted to admit to anyone that the black hole had crept up on me again. I have always told others that depression is no different from any other physical ailment. I think the term "mental illness" is so misleading, considering the fact that depression, like other illnesses, springs from a physical cause. I have a brain chemistry that just doesn't work. And I know from experience that medication helps to realign that chemistry so that I don't suffer from the effects. So why haven't I just told my doctor that I need help right now?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer to that question right now. I suppose that the depression itself may hold the answer. However, the next time that I see my doctor, I am going to be honest with both him and myself, and ask for help. I'm not being fair to myself by not seeking help for something that can be so easily treated. There is no shame in asking for help when you truly need it. I have told this to many people, and it is time that I take my own advice. That being said, I also promise to be more diligent in writing again. I got so much out of writing my blog, probably more than I gave to others, so I am going to make a concerted effort to keep up with it again. For those of you who have been faithful readers, I hope that you will once again join my on my journey.
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