This is an open letter to all of the doctor's, family member's, friend's, acquaintances, and strangers who have felt the need to point out the obvious to me. Apparently, most of you think one of two things: 1. I don't own a mirror; or 2. I'm a complete walking idiot. Let me set you straight real quick. I most certainly own a mirror, and I promise that I am not an idiot. So, thank you! Thank you for pointing out to me that I need to lose weight. If you hadn't told me, I probably would have never figured it out on my own.
Now, some people are quite nice and polite about it. They hint around that losing just a little weight would probably help my knees. Actually, losing a lot of weight is what is going to help my knees. Unfortunately, I'm still going to have to have a double knee replacement. I have to lose weight before I can have the surgery done in order to make the recovery process easier. You also don't know that I'm absolutely terrified of this surgery, so who knows, maybe I'm holding onto the weight as a security blanket.
Others have been a lot more blunt. I have been told that I am just fat, and there is nothing wrong with me. I have been told that all I need to do is walk at least a mile every day in order to achieve inner peace or Nirvana or a complete and total cure for all that ails me. Thank you again for pointing out the obvious. But, you need to take a walk in my shoes. I wish that there was a way to simulate what it feels like to have OA. I wish you could feel, only for a moment, what it is like to have absolutely no cushioning between the bones that make up your knees. Walk a mile? My orthopedic surgeon has told me he is surprised I can walk around my house. I'm doing the best I can.
I can't tell you the number of people who have told me that I never would have had back problems if I hadn't been overweight. In some cases, that would be true. You must have a screw loose not to realize that carrying extra weight puts additional strain on you body, and the more weight you carry, the more damage you do. I get that, I really do! But if you had taken the time to listen to me, you would know that my two surgeons who operated on my back told me, that in my case, my weight had nothing to do with it. My back issues were inevitable, whether I was a size 2 or a size 22.
I have tried on many occasions to lose weight. In fact, I have lost at least a small person over the years. Unfortunately, I have regained that same small person, and her sister came along for good measure. I have starved myself on an all liquid diet at one point, managing to lose 80 pounds in 3 months time. I was doing Weight Watchers long before Jennifer Hudson heard of them. And every time, the weight has come back on. According to a psychologist I used to see, I did use the weight as both a shield and a security blanket. Well, it isn't much protection anymore, but at 51, I just can't seem to lose the weight anymore.
I want to have weight loss surgery. This is the one thing I want more than just about anything else. My problem has been finding the right surgeon to do it. We have a bariatric surgery center here in Bardstown. Unfortunately, they haven't performed enough procedure's to be Medicare approved. The other places near me want far more up front that I have been able to come up with. Contrary to what many people think, living on social security just ain't all it's cracked up to be.
And to the strangers who think that it is ok to say unkind things, I am a person. I have problems moving and walking, but my ears work just fine. I hear the stage whispered, "Look at that lazy, fat woman", when I get a motorized cart at Wal-Mart. I have heard you tell your friend that there is nothing wrong with me. I assume you think that because I try to present myself well, I'm not missing a limb, or carrying an oxygen tank. I am not judging you, and I would appreciate the same respect, not just from the stranger at Wal-Mart, but also for my friends, family, and acquaintances.
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