Monday, July 23, 2012

My Fight Against Exhaustion

Tired.  Spent.  Done.  Run down.  Running on empty.  Shattered.  No matter how you say it, those of us who suffer from chronic pain know what it's like to be absolutely exhausted.  Some of us suffer from insomnia on a chronic basis, and others only suffer from the occasional sleepless night.  Regardless of how often you go without sleep, the results can wreak havoc on you.

Everyone, whether they suffer from chronic pain or not, experiences some problems sleeping at one time or another.  How many of you have worried about a problem at work or school, and spent the night tossing and turning?  I know I have, on more than one occasion.  In fact, I have suffered from insomnia since childhood.  I remember being a little girl and being told that I had to stay in the bed whether I could sleep or not.  This made me even more miserable.

As I've gotten older, my insomnia has gotten more severe.  Today, no one tells me that I have to stay in the bed, but I would give anything to just be able to lie down and sleep.  Since my knee surgery, my sleep has been almost non-existent, and I don't really know why.  I can't find a comfortable position, and I'm spending most nights traveling from my bed to my recliner and back again.

I do take pain medication, and another medication to help me sleep.  About an hour after taking these night time meds, I am literally falling asleep in my chair.  I will get up, go get in the bed, and within just a few minutes, I'm asleep.  Sounds good, right?  Well, it just doesn't last!  Within one to two hours, I am awake.  Sometimes pain from my knees or back wakes me up, and sometimes, I have no idea why I'm awake.  And the effects of only sleeping a couple of hours a night are really starting to get to me.

My pain levels are really high right now, and I think that's because I can't get my body to relax.  I'm carrying around so much tension in my muscles that I constantly feel like I've been beaten.  I have a headache that won't go away, and I really don't get that many headaches.  And I'm starting to get very emotional.  I cried off and on all day yesterday, and then I would get mad at myself for crying about something so stupid as not sleeping.  I'm also getting really mean.  It didn't matter what Dale or my boys did or said yesterday, it was wrong.  And I knew that I was being nasty to them, but I couldn't stop!

During the day, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  I will sit in my recliner with the TV on, and the next thing I know, I'm asleep!  I've been trying to keep myself awake during the day, because I think that the naps may be keeping me from sleeping at night.  I've given my family orders not to let me sleep more than an hour at a time during the day.  But unfortunately, even on the days when I don't nap at all during the day, I'm still not sleeping at night.

Something has got to give!  I feel like I'm completely shutting down, and not in a good way.  I don't know if any of you have ever felt this way before, but it's like I can feel my body vibrating with exhaustion.  You can leave comments on my blog, so I want to give you a challenge.  If you have any sure fire sleep inducing tips or tricks, post them here!  I know that I'm not the only person out there who isn't sleeping, and maybe we can help one another find that strangest of all things - a good night's sleep!

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