I know how old I am. In fact, if you ask me how old I am, I'll rattle off the number without even thinking about it. Chronologically, I am 49 years old, and I will be 50, in September. But, despite my physical failings, I've never felt that old. In my mind, I'm still in my 30's. Now, most days, I feel like I'm 80 physically, but my mind has never felt old. Perhaps the fact that I didn't have my children until I was in my 30's has kept me younger. And there is the fact that my brain surgery that I had as an infant caused some damage in allowing me to mature. But for the most part, I've never really related to the fact that I will be turning 50 years old this year!
The after effects of my recent surgery have reminded me that I am most definitely not as young as I used to be. The last time that I had surgery, I was 28 years old. It was another knee surgery, and like this one, it was done on an out patient basis. I had the procedure on a Wednesday or Thursday, and was back to work on Monday. In fact, I even made it to Happy Hour with friends a week after the surgery, and never thought anything about it. It has now been about a month since this surgery, and I'm still trying to get back to my old self.
I'm definitely getting older. I'm not bouncing back after this surgery. I am tired all the time, and I don't feel like me right now. I can't seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time, and I wake up before the chickens these days. Last night, I went to bed at 10:30, and I was up at 4:00 am! And while my knee feels much better, the rest of my body is staging a full scale revolt.
Right now, my back is killing me, and my fibro has gone into a full flare up. There isn't a part of me that doesn't hurt. The other day, I was walking across the living room, using my cane, and I realized that the combination of the back pain and the fibro had me walking stooped over. I looked like I was 90, not 50! On top of those aches and pains, I've also gotten a cold. As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing worse than a summer cold! My mind keeps trying to tell me that I'm really not all that old, but my body has other plans. Today, I'm feeling every minute of my almost 50 years!
I used to think that people who were 50 had one foot in the grave. I remember being in sixth grade, and our teacher telling us that in the year 2000, we would be the same age that she was. I was convinced that I would never live that long! Today, 38 doesn't seem that bad! What I wouldn't give to be able to turn back the clock to those days. I wouldn't have fibro. I wouldn't have the chronic back pain. And I would still be oblivious to the fact that I really was getting older!
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