Caution! Bitching Ahead!

I'm tired of recovering from surgery!  I'm tired of trying to be patient!  I'm tired of people telling me that it takes time to recover!  I'm tired of needing people to do the simplest of things for me!  I'm tired of being in pain all the time!  I'm tired of not being able to sleep in my bed!  I'm tired of not being able to get comfortable!  I'm tired of not being able to get in the tub for a good long soak!  I'm tired of being tired all the time!  I'm tired of feeling emotional all the time!

Getting over surgery was so much easier when I was younger, so I guess I'm also tired of getting older.  If this simple surgery has been so hard to recover from, I can't imagine what it's going to actually be like when I have to have my knee replacements!    I'm sure that this bitchy phase is going to pass, but it's taking a very long time, and I'm tired of feeling bitchy.  I'm really sick of the ACE bandages that I'm having to wear.  They are either too tight, and feel like they are cutting off my circulation, or they are too loose, and keep sliding up and down on my leg.

I really do try and stay positive about things.  I'm not always successful, but I feel like I'm always in a bad mood over the last week.  When people ask me how I'm doing, I really want to tell them the truth instead of saying the obligatory "I'm fine!".  But, I also think if I actually told someone the truth, they would run and never speak to me again.  Last night, my husband said that his back and shoulder were really hurting.  Normally, I'm very sympathetic about other peoples pain.  I try not to judge, because everyone's pain is subjective.  I didn't say anything, but I thought that he couldn't possible hurt as bad as I did, and I wanted him to just shut up!  Not a very pretty picture of me, I'm afraid!

I think part of the problem with my emotions right now is that I am completely exhausted.  I cannot seem to get enough sleep.  Right now, I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep, and even those four hours are broken.  I've been sleeping in my recliner, which up until the last few days, has been quite comfortable.  Not anymore!  Sitting in it is uncomfortable, but it's the only place that I can keep my leg propped up.  Sleeping in it is even worse, because I am stuck in one position all night long.  Last night, I decided to try and sleep in my bed.  It felt like heaven when I first lay down.  My muscles seemed to relax and I fell asleep quickly.  Within a couple of hours, I tried to turn over to my other side, and the pain woke me up immediately!  I made my way back to the recliner and managed another couple of hours of sleep.  I am just so tired right now, but my body hurts too bad to go back to sleep.

I am praying that this mood will pass soon.  I don't like feeling this way; it isn't me!  I really do appreciate everything that my family is doing for me.  Dale and the boys couldn't be any nicer to me.  If I want something, they get it right to me.  If I need help getting up, they are right there to help me.  They are even putting up with my foul mood rather well.  Dale is doing a good job with the cooking, even though it really isn't easy for him, and he has gotten all the errands done with the help of our good friend.  And the world hasn't come crashing down on us without me being in charge!  All of these things are good things!

So, today, I'm going to try and fake being in a good mood.  I'm going to let Dale and the boys know how much I appreciate everything they are doing for me.  I'm going to try and not complain about the recliner quite so much.  I'm going to keep telling myself that ACE bandages aren't perfect, and they are going to slide or get tight.  I'm going to try not to whine quite as much as I did yesterday, and I'm going to try and leave the bitchiness here!