Looking for that Silver Lining

Those of us who suffer from chronic pain, or any other chronic illness, can frequently get trapped into feeling sorry for ourselves.  I know that it happens to me quite often.  And who can blame us for feeling this way?  When you suffer from pain every single day of your life, and every doctor you see tells you there is nothing they can do to help you, it's only natural to experience some depression.  On top of that, we deal with people telling us that we are lazy hypochondriacs.  And then there are the doctors and pharmacists who are convinced that we are crazed drug addicts.  I would be more shocked to hear that someone with this condition wasn't at least a little depressed.

I'm trying to make some changes in my attitude.  I have decided to start looking for that cloud with the silver lining, instead of  always seeing the multitude of dark clouds.  I have decided that I'm not going to listen to those who don't understand me or the things that I live with.  I am responsible for the way I feel, and when I allow others to make me feel worthless, I have to own that.  If I allow someone to make me feel bad about myself, I'm giving them power over me.  I don't want to do that anymore.  Does it really matter if someone doesn't believe me when I tell them about the pain I am experiencing?  Does it really matter if they believe that going out and taking a walk will cure everything that's wrong with me?  No, it doesn't!

Recently, one of my boys got furious with one of his brothers because he called him stupid.  Jack was throwing a fit and threatening to kill Matthew.  I looked at Jack and asked him if he was stupid, and he stared at me, and then grudgingly answered, "NO!".  And then I told him that if he isn't stupid, why should it bother him if his brother claimed that he was.  I told him that it shouldn't matter what his brother thinks, so long as he knows who he is.  I explained that if he gets angry, he is giving his brother the power to control the way he feels.  And then the light bulb went off over my head!  I realized that I was giving others power over me, based on the things they said to me.  So long as I know the truth, then it really doesn't matter what other people think.

Today, I learned that I'm going to have to have knee surgery.  My first reaction was, "Well, here's one more thing to add on the bad pile!  More pain, more inconvenience, more to deal with!".  And then, I stopped myself.  I thought that I have been dealing with this horrible pain in my knee for the last year and a half.  I have complained about the fact that nothing was working to make it feel any better.  Why am I complaining now that someone is finally listening to me, and is going to do something to fix it?  So, this knee surgery is an unexpected silver lining!  Sometimes, it's hard to see the silver lining in many of the things that we have to deal with.  That's why we have to keep our eyes open, because we might miss that little glint of silver in the middle of the storm.