One of the things that goes hand in hand with chronic pain is depression. I once had a doctor tell me that if you have chronic pain and don't deal with at least some depression, then you don't really have chronic pain. For myself, I have found this to be true.
Think about it. Everyday of your life, you live with crushing, physical pain. You aren't able to get out of the bed without help. You can't go grocery shopping because you don't have the stamina to make it through the store. You can't go to church anymore because sitting in the pew causes excruciating pain. You can't make plans to have lunch with a friend in a few days, because you don't know if you are going to be able to move that day.
People don't understand what you are dealing with. When you first get sick or injured, people are very understanding. Friends and family come to visit and they are full of caring words. After a month, the visits slow down, and you start to hear the veiled insults. Things like, But you look fine; If you just get out of the house you would feel so much better; If you go take a walk, you'll feel better. They mean well, but they don't know how bad these comments hurt.
As a species, I don't think we are geared to understand chronic pain. Oh, we understand pain - we've all experienced it. Child birth, a broken bone, surgery of some sort. All of these things hurt, and sometimes, we don't think it will ever end. But it does. The pain eventually goes away and we go on with our lives. We really have no concept of pain that never, ever goes away.
The depression is almost worse than the pain itself. We mourn the life we used to have. We mourn for the loss of friends who drift away because we aren't the person we used to be. Sometimes, life can seem like a black hole of pain, loneliness and hopelessness. Many people dealing with chronic pain commit suicide because they just can't see the way out of that black hole. There have been times when I have even considered it.
If you are dealing with chronic pain, it is so important that you deal with the crushing depression that comes with it. If you start to feel depression, it is so important to talk to you doctor about it. For many, just taking an antidepressant can keep the black hole at bay. For others, talk therapy works. And sometimes it takes both. And if you know someone with chronic pain, there are things you can do to help.
The first thing you can do is simple be there for them. Stop by and let them know that you are still there and you care about them. Let them talk about the things they are going through. They aren't looking for you to solve their problems; it is enough that you are there and listening. Be aware of your loved ones mood. If you notice that the depression seems worse, do whatever you can to get them help. Don't tell them what worked for someone else. Trust me, if they have been living with chronic pain for a long time, they have tried it.
And if you are the person suffering from this, keep fighting. I know how hard it is. I know how much you just want some relief from the pain, both physical and mental. But life is still worth living. There is always something to get up for in the morning. And your life matters, regardless of what you may think.
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